Senior Thesis or Senior Torture

The project that is shows what you have learned, in higher education, is what I have been dealing with lately. I quite enjoy the project I have chosen, but it has left me stress out and so deep  in work. We are coming down to the last few weeks before it is do. My oral presentation is due on thursday. I still have to analysis my data. Yep, I am doing that this weekend.

It hard to be a senior in college. I am glad its coming to close. I hung up my cap and gown yesterday. I have had for almost two weeks. You see as much as I am stressed out, teenaged boys are difficult to get data from, I am kinda not wanting it to end. I sit could it here and rant and rave about how much I dislike the major work load a thesis brings, but  I can’t.  Trust me it is stressful I have made myself physical sick over not being able to get the data need, but It also marks an end of a big chapter in my life. I have talked about this before, I quite get that the fact I personally can be a broken record.

I took today off from thesis. I just had  to my brain was like no more. I have completed a content analysis and work out which number to crunch this week.  I know what I am doing this weekend…

Senior Thesis is a test. My professor told me on wednesday that the department just wants us to learn the process of it.  Life is a test be it one thing or the next it does not always go together as one may plan. I am starting to look at the future, like in a month from now. I see no plans. College and my internship will be over, I will have that fancy signed paper that I worked for five years to complete.

Everything has always been planned out for me my whole life. I have not always held up to those plans having Cerebral Palsy was not something my family expected. I am entering in to part of my life were there is no planned next really. I mean there is, but there isn’t.  First it was trying to get to me to walk coupled with speech therapist to get me catch up, which I did.

So much has followed :

  • a surgery and kindergarten,
  •  after that came grade school,
  •  Wednesday night religion classes,
  •  doctors appointments,
  • a second surgery,
  • countless birthdays,
  • girl scouts,
  • first communion and conformation,
  • adventures with friends,
  • my love for photography,
  •  first love,
  • applying for college,
  • high school graduation,
  • babysitting,
  • attending college
  • and moving away,
  • Making new friends
  • leaving the county
  • falling in and out of a serious romance relationship
  • getting hit by a car
  • changing majors
  • finding what makes me happy
  • being involved with the student television
  • Traveling to places I had never been
  • Have my first legal drink
  • attending homecoming
  • Knowing that being myself as touched people.
  • Having a few friends I knew I can call if  need anything

I have normal life and I love it that way, best decision my parents ever made. There are other things I did not put on that list. Graduation is next followed by moving home until I find a job. Yes a grownup job, were I move out permanently and live complete on my own. I know I ready, scarred but ready. I decide what states I apply to jobs in. So yes, maybe I have a plan, but it is not all together yet. I don’t know when i will get a job, who i will work for, how long I will be there, or where I will live. I have to believe that I am slaving away on this senior thesis for a reason. I will not live of the government forever, I need to be productive. I am one of the luck ones. Even tho, I am in wheelchair and have Cerebral Palsy I can live, work, and be a productive member of society of my own. So as much as I like to call senior thesis senior torture right now looking back it will be just Senior Thesis, but until then i will be stressed out.

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